do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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