just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
