literally had 100 drinks last night.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
