Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize