I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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