She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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