you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
