WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
