If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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