this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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