Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
