I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
