Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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