I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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