So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
