We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
