Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
