What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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