I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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