Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
