Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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