I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize