why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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