They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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