Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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