I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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