I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
