Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize