I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
