i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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