you guys were way drunker than both of me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
