I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize