I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
