yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
