He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
