At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
