I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
