When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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