Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
