I cockslap morals
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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