mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
