i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
