I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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