dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
