True but thats because hes a fetus.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
