cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just googled if crying burns calories
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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