I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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