I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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