I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
