but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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