if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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