How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
