ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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