I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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