Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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