well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
