I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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