is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
