I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
