Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
whose ass print is on the piano?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
