I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
