so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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