but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
