pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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