I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
