Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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